What makes A Family

I've been asking myself this many times and for many different reasons all my life...but this time the answers don't come as easily or maybe they do when you aren't looking so hard. All I know is because of Ada the Hendrix and Silapirutis' have formed a new family one that has come together in grief but have found joy in each day. In a blink of an eye two families' lives have changed forever. Ponsawan and I recently discovered that both Ada and Kyle had told us each separately that we should be friends. Maybe Ada sensed that her mother would need a friend someday. Someone who can take charge, someone who loves her Thai culture and someone who knew Ada for a short while but fell instantly under her charm. Kyle probably had other reasons for wanting us all to be friends, but he also knew that Ponsawan played golf and thought that I should get her out on the course. Our kids have good instincts, don't they. Ponsawan is a treasure to me one that I hold dearly but I would give it all back if Ada hadn't been involved in this tragedy I chose to think we would've found each other just as our kids planned.Tom and I both wanted three kids but it wasn't to be but since adoption formed our family it seems only right that Ada has become my adopted daughter. Remember that adoption is forever...and that is how we see our new family, a forever family. I have had the experience of watching someone I love die slowly before my eyes but nothing prepares or compares to watching Ada working so hard to get better. Her brain may not be working the way we hope but her spirit and her heart are with us and that keeps those who love her strong. As I sit by the ocean this week my thoughts are with those at home. Ponsawan being so strong but scared at the same time...and what to say about Terry. From the first moment I laid eyes on him I saw the face of all the fathers I know. Dads are suppose to know what to do, to make things better, and be strong for all those around them...but how in this nightmare do you do that. He comes to visit always with a gentle smile and soft voice for Ada but not too long into his visits he's teasing Ada, moving her arms, trying to spray breath freshener in between clinched teeth. For a few minutes he's trying to make things normal...usually at some point he picks up Care Bear and puts it into Ada's arms remembering the times when she was daddy's little girl...she still is. Then of course there are the two guys that mean the most to Ada...Archie and Arthy. In these situations it's easy to misplace the other kids in a family, especially when they are 19 and 17 yrs. of age. Ada had told Kyle many of her hopes and dreams and always they included her brothers. They miss her so much...they too want their lives back. They want to talk to Ada about things you don't tell your friends or parents. She always understood them and she would be the first to remind us all how fragile they are. Like their father they come into her room and tease her in the way that only brothers do. They all gather in her room many nights just being who they are ...a family who has strength that compares with nothing I have ever known.I have seen two gifts Ada gave to her parents...one night she shed tears as Terry talked to her and recently those in the room shed tears when Ada after days of not turning her eyes transfixed on Ponsawan's voice and touch. It is these moments that sustain us all in this journey.I can't explain any of this there are things we just don't have answers for and to try to make sense would just drive us crazy. It is just what it has become...a family for Ada...a family for all of us.
Fondly,
Ardis

Her Private Limo

Not quite cozy as a luxury Limousin, but it is very comfortable and cost so much more per ride than renting a Limo. I am talking about the Ambulance. The red or green or white big box car that comes here to pick up Ada. She still has to go back and forth to the hospital or doctor appointment. Some EMT personals had become familiar faces and become friends. They take extra time and extra care to make sure that Ada gets the smoothest ambulance ride any girl could ask for.
Next Tuesday, Ada will go back to Orthopedic Clinic for her Botox injection. Being young and already beautiful, You wouldn't think she will needs Botox this early. Botox is known to help relax muscle, so she will get the injection into her arms, feet and her neck. All the limps became too contracted and twisted in the way that she might not be able to walk, when she can walk, or use her arms when she can reach for something. By relaxing the muscle, we will be able to maintain her flexibility, stretch and exercise her arms and legs.
Ada has been really calm and spend a lot of time sleeping. She does not need any pain medicine like before. I know that the cast on her foot was the major source of pain. She sleeps well and so do I.
Hugs
Ponsawan

Her Waterfall

From everything bad must come something better.
From everything better, something more perfect is yet to come.

That’s what she brought together.

Just erosion through rocks. Trouble, it must have felt when this occurred.
Then, heavy rain, from dark clouds. A perfect day ruined—possibly.

But here we stand, strong, feeling—this perfect waterfall.
What only had come from trouble, yet here we stand.

Could we word it any better from our mouths as in our hearts?

I do not know her like she does, like he does, or like you do. Knowingly, we embrace the difference, and each other—our common love.

Take your day and bring yourself joy, whichever way it comes.
Take your days like she took hers, and love. We’ve learned to love—we must.

As we sit a mile closer to the sun, we realize there’s always something higher—always something lower. Something to be…and something to continue.

It’s life, and love. Belief, and support.
Your child, our friend.
Forgiveness.
We realize that whatever this means, this means something different to everyone.

It’s giving, and embracing.
It is, and continues to be, everything she is.
2 strangers. 3 friends. And here we stand.
Creating everything we are.

“And no one else could ever show me how to see the world the way I see it now. I’ve never seen blue like that before.”

Fondly,
Tina and Macey

Happy Mother's Day

I made this bracelet for Ardis, she was on vacation with her husband, Tom, in Florida this week. Ardis has 2 sons, so having a chance to take care of Ada and buying a pink nightgown must be quite an experience for her. For the past 9 weeks, she had been helping me taking care of Ada as if Ada is her own daughter, so it's only appropriate for me to share my daughter with her. I always introduce her as Ada's adopted mother and I hope she doesn't mind. It is hard for Ardis to leave, she is worried about Ada and me. By the time I have to leave for Thailand, I will feel the same way. My friend, Yui, will travel with me. I can't imagine sitting on the airplane by myself for 18 hours, feeling lonely.

It is tough being a mother, especially during the difficult time as I am at this stage of my life. I don't expect a big bouquet of flower or any gift, I just want hugs and kisses from my kids. I'm sure I will get plenty from my sons, but still, longing for a hug from my daughter.

My mother passed away while I was here, 25 years ago, I did not get a chance to say good bye. For a long time, I had this thought about if I had one wish, what do I wish for. Not a million dollar or a fancy car, I just want one more chance to go back and tell my mom how much I love her and give her a hug one more time. I love you, mom.

Don't wait until you don't have a chance to hug your love one again, do it today.

Happy Mother's Day everyone.

Hugs

Ponsawan

Don't worry, it just a broken ankle

That's what everyone told me when I asked whether they will fix her broken ankle. She still has her ankle in cast 9 weeks after the accident. Ada is the first one in the family who broke any bone in her body. All of my 3 kids played sport while they were young, but never a broken bone. This broken ankle turn to be a pain in the rear end. I am sure she is hurt, itchy, annoying and angry because she always kicking her leg as if she wants to get rid of it. I painted on her casts, just so I don't have to be angry every time I look at it.

The latest pink one, I dedicated it to my dear friend who always be there for me when I want a shoulder to cry on. Yes, I do cry, occasionally, but not in front of Ada.

I bought 2 night gowns for Ada and had it split on the back. Since then Ada has a closet full of pretty night gowns. Ardis is having fun shopping for a girl, buying pink water melon gown.

Everyone at the American Village is so happy to see Ada. They gave me a hug and I give them a bowl of candy. The trach hole is healing well. She starts making noise from her throat. I told the Speech Therapist who comes in and works with Ada everyday to teach her to say "Ma-ma", but I wouldn't be surprise if she say "Da-da" first.

Ada's right arm is so active, she moves it up and down and start grabbing on to the nurse while they are feeding her. Her right leg (with the cast) is also very active too. Oh, and she will let you know if she needs change. She also shows many expression through her face and her eyes. I can tell that she is happy to see me and gets angry when I try to clean her teeth.

With all the right combination of medicine she is taking, Ada seem happy and more relax. I hope without the cast on her leg, she will be able to focus and work on more basic skill so she will be able to communicate with us. The cast will be out tomorrow,I hope I don't have to yell at anybody.

Hugs

Ponsawan

P.S. Here is the picture of the first cast I painted with the help of Care bear.

With Love, RN - A6S Methodist Hospital

I received a card from one of the nurse who took care of Ada last week. No surprise that a girl who cannot talk, or barely respond to anyone, just laying there mind her own business, had make so much impact on everybody life. It said "Ada is a beautiful and truly special young woman and I wish I could have known her the way you do. I hope that we can each learn from who Ada was, is and will be in the future."
All the staff at Methodist had been great, but the nurse at A6S wing were extra special. " I need to change my girl, can you help?", that's what I heard one nurse talking to another. They took pride in making sure the patients get turn properly to prevent bedsore.
Oh, yes, she is a special girl. Can't you tell.
We will be back to the village tomorrow, for sure. She gets the right medicine and she looks very happy today. I move her bed near the window, so she can get the afternoon sun.
Good news is I got a chance to clay and make some beautiful buttons and also prepare some articles to send to the magazine.
Thanks Amber, Doris, Emily, Heather, Judy, Kristen, Michelle and many others.

Here's is the message for Dr. Jordan Jude, the Neuro Surgeon:
Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to ler her (ADA) in to your heart
Then you can start to make it better (for her)
We will contact Dr. Jude to have him put the flap back to ada"s skull in June after I come back from Thailand.
Hugs
Ponsawan

For Good

It's been a month now since I wrote to this blog… so much has happened ...some good, some not so good but what is the constant in all of this is the love and support that Ponsawan has for her daughter. Ada and Ponsawan had something so special before the incident that happened to Ada... a bond stronger than most parents have with their children. They shared secrets and ambitions for each other....they even shared late night snacks and sometimes the same bed. I believe Ponsawan encouraged Ada to take chances, explore the world, and go out and get what you want. It was the kind of life most women Ponsawan's age rarely got to do...because that wasn't the way the world saw women when she was a young girl. As many of you know Ponsawan could've done anything and had many career paths if the times had been different when she was Ada's age. Instead she chose the path of wife and mother and she has done it well...always supporting her children's choices in sports and activities. She drove them all over the country to explore and to help them grow into the wonderful young people they are today. What all of these life experiences hasn't taught is how to survive this kind of tragedy that befell this family eight weeks ago. Nothing and noexperience in life prepares someone for this heartache except being a caring loving individual that Ponsawan is. She doesn't want this role of the strong silent type...what she wants is to scream at the top of her lungs as to why did this happen to her daughter... I suspect she does but it is into a pillow to silent her screams and tears. When she is with Ada she smiles, sings, and gives her small kisses...I don't think she always sees Ada responding to her in a way she has reserved just for her Mom. I sometimes have to turn my back because I am going to cry and I try to never do that in front of Ponsawan. I'm sure most of us Moms would face each day similar to how Ponsawan does..but I don't think I would with such grace and dignity. She says nearly everyday "I just want to take care of Ada"... not all these other messy details. I always tell her you clean her face, wash her hair, etc. and let me do the bumps that come along but I hate it when I have to tell her the day just got a little crazier than we expected. It seems to take two heads to try and stay a step ahead of Ada but it all pays off when she does something you never saw before even if it sitting in ER for 15 hrs. and laughing because that day she decided to move her left foot up and down like she was saying hello to her Mom...Ponsawan needed that gesture and I think Ada knew it. If I can paraphrase a few lines from a song from the musical Wicked that I have loved since I first heard it maybe Ponsawan and Ada will know why it is honor to be with them. I’ve heard it said that people come into lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. Now I don’t know if I believe that’s true but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. So much of me is what I have learned from you you’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart and now whatever way our story ends I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend. But because I knew you…I have been changed for good. I have heard friends, nurses and caretakers say Ponsawan is lucky to have me around...that is untrue because lucky would to have been to have never needed me. If fate had thrown us together in some other way we would've been good friends... besides we share the same taste in pizza and breadsticks. This blog is suppose to be for Ada so maybe someday she will know the journey she took to find her way back…but this journey would never have been if it was not for the love her mother feels for her and the small ways Ponsawan deals with each day, each new curve in the road.
Ardis Hendrix

Dr. A to Dr. Z

I have to admit, while I was telling you about how Ada was treated by those wonderful Doctors and Nurses, I had to take a deep breath and held my anger deep in my chest. First, I am angry at myself for spending almost 24 hour a day standing by my daughter bed side, but can neither oversee that she received the best care, nor make sure that no mistakes were made by the Medical Professionals. Lack of knowledge and experiences, I must say.
Here's the problem. Each group of doctor work as a team, so we have several teams of expert working and caring for Ada. At the same time, each team is working as an individual and neither play (work) well together with the other team nor being on the same page. So, there are a lot of "Oh, we don't do that", "We just do this", or "The other team should be responsible", blah-blah-blah.

So Dr. J from Nehro team said Dr. T from Trauma team should do this, Dr. W from Orthopedic team forgot about Ada and blame it on other team, the Neuro team refuse to take a look at Ada while she was in ER.

One patient, one body, can't we all get along.

Finally, Dr. Biggerstaff (my hero) , Chris Hilbush and his team was able to put all the pieces together. Still, Ada hasn't received her much need medicine for 5 days after being in the hospital. Dr. B team has to apologized for other people's mistake.

I can go on and on and on about this, but the point is, you cannot totally rely on the hospital, and the medical professionals that your love one will get the best care. Like Ardis said, I am not a doctor or a nurse, but I play one on the internet. Educate yourself or get a good friend who can help you, like I did.

But I would like to report that Ada is doing fine. She got all the attention that she needed. We will not put the bone flap back at this time due to the time crunch and it is ok for now. She got a new cast today under Dr. W's supervision. He still did not look into my eye and tell me that my daughter's ankle is going to be ok, or introduce himself when he enter the room. TJ came by and took the trach tube out of her throat. Yes, you heard it right, she is now breathing on her own nose. Her tube feeding had been lower down from her stomach to prevent the overflow. We still working on the right combination of medicines to help keep her calm and comfortable, so she will be able to focus on what else she can do. Oh, she will be able to talk now that the trach is out, so I can't wait to hear she say "Hi Mommy" again.
She will be able to go back to American Village on Friday to a nice and quiet room because we no longer need that Humidifier machine.
Bye for now, thank you for having us in your thought and pray.
Hugs
Ponsawan

All night in ER

Ada is back in the hospital again. Last week she had some fever so she had a blood work done and they found that she had high white count. The nursing home quickly send her back to ER. Not enough evident that she was so sick, the young ER doctor send her back home because she did not high enough fever that they can keep her in the hospital. How high is too high? Well, she had 100.3 but 101 is a requirement. Ada is not a typical patient and she prove them wrong. On Tuesday night at 10 o'clock, her nurse took her temp and it was 89, 2 hours later she was perspiring like crazy. Her sweat dripped down and I cannot kept up with it. The nurse took the temp and it had gone up to 104. Immediately, we called the ambulance and took her back to ER. This time we took advantage and demand that she got full attention and the best care they can give her because they had realized that they made a big mistake sending her back on Friday. Amazing how they can call those big head Neuro doctors to come to see her because they had refused to see her before.
Now we are back in the 6th floor. I walked around and say hello to my old friends, all the nurses who took care of her and still thinking about her. I can't say that about the doctors, they seem to forget that she is still exist.
At first, they thought that she has some kind of infection from virus, but might not be that bad as they think. Ada, Ardis and I spend 15 hour in the ER. We both wrapped ourselves in big blankets, sitting and sleeping on the chairs. We were lucky that not only they can find the room for her, but also assigned the best doctor for Ada. You wouldn't believe how many doctors and specialists who had paraded into her room today (including someone from Neuro group).
Finally, the cervical collar that was on her neck for 8 weeks has been removed. Ada got her neck clean for the first time after the accident (imagine that).
We will stay at the hospital for a couple more day. Meanwhile, I know that our friend at American Village will miss Ada, but we will be back soon. We miss seeing them too.
This time, I hope, she will be discharged from the hospital in a proper way. With all the important informations she needs; medicaion, nutrition and list of the doctors names in case we need more help.
More information later, I need to catch up on my sleep, but Ada is fine for now.
Hugs
Ponsawan

Care Basket for Ada

Hi, I am trying to get the Care basket for Ada and there are a few things that I need. May be you could help filling the basket when you come to visit Ada.

Here is the list of items that I need; Kleenex, Huggie baby Wipe, small bottle of baby Powder, small bottle of Lubriderm lotion, small bottle of Water (for mom), Biore' daily cleansing cloths, Air freshner, Candy and healthy snack for the staffs, Fresh cut flower

Now, don't bring a truck load of stuffs, we don't have much storage space. A box of tissue will be fine, so you can come often. We use Kleenex and the wipe to keep Ada clean.

Ada got a new cast on her right foot, some more new accessories for her arms and legs. She is making a small progress, a baby step at a time.

Hugs

Care Bear

P.S. The care package can be send to:

Ada Silapiruti

co/American Village community

2026 E. 54th St., Indianapolis, IN 46220

The lake at American village. We will bring Ada out here soon to get some sun.